When a girl has high standards you would expect her to always want a hot tall guy with light hair and light eyes, preferably blue. A smart guy that gets good grades at school and that has plans for the future which includes a family, a great job and an awesome house with everything his wife may need.
I've always considered myself as a girl with high standards who wanted all of the above but when I least expected a guy who's not exactly like I would wish comes to my life and makes me question everything.
I started to talk to this guy a few months ago because we have some things in common and felt really comfortable talking with him, like when you feel you've met someone your whole life.
We talked almost everyday about the most random stuff you can imagine
We asked stupid questions to each other and like that I got to know a lot about him and he got to know a lot about me
It was our special way of communication
With time the conversation upgraded to a different level, a more intimate level
When I think about this it comes to my mind that this wouldn't have happened if I had told him how old I am since the beggining
Yeah - as many times in this type of situations - age changes things
We started to talk about meeting this summer and since we were both single my mind started making plans without my permission
We talked about it and I thought we were on the same page about this subject
I had been a lot of time without talking to any guy due to the inexistence of decent guys were I live at the moment and at my school so I really felt like this could go somewhere
During some weeks we almost didn't talk because I told him how old I am and I think he was afraid of having to face some legal issues if we got to any kind of contact
He's a couple of years older than me and if we fucked I could get my parents into the situation and it wouldn't be pretty
I think this is what kept him quiet for a few days after I mention my age
Some days later we decided to put the age issue behind and keep talking
I was never happy about this
I considered it as a coward attitude but I never told him so because I really wanted to continue to talk with him
In this moment of my life he was helping to distract myself from my problems
Until he became a problem too
Some days ago a friend of mine asked me how thigs were and if I had any news to tell her
I sent her the link of his Facebook profile and told her we had been talking and I was really interested in him
Her reaction was weird and then she asked me how was it possible for me too be talking to him that way
I didn't understand the question and then she told me he had a girlfriend
Or at least that's what he had on his profile
I went there to confirm it because he hadn't told me anything about her
I was really pissed off but decided not to mention it to him to see if he would say something
A week ago we were in the middle of one of our intimate conversations and he said he had a girfriend
I didn't show to him how this affected me
We decided to stop having those kind of conversations because it was the right thing to do
But the next day we couldn't keep to the agreement and kept talking like we did before
What happens is that when we try the most to be normal and have a normal conversation the harder it gets
These days we had kept those inappropriate conversations until he mentioned his girfriend again
I feel really bad when he does that
It's like he's just using me when she's not there for him
Like I'm some kind of distraction when she doesn't gives him the attention he wants
And then he says he wants us both but if he has to choose it'll always be her
And after saying that to my face he stills wants me not to be sad
Are you fucking stupid?
Of course I can't be happy with this
I like you in case you haven't noticed
I would like to have the opportunity of being with you but I know that's not possible right now
And then he says he's sorry
Like a million times like it would change anything
Let me break it to you
IT WON'T
Apologizing may be the answer sometimes but not this time
And how can I even forgive him?
He said he liked me, talked all dirty and then tells me he has a girlfriend and that he wants a future with her
A girl can only put up with an amount of bullshit
But I'm not acting like I would like myself to
I keep talking to him
Raising my hope
Maybe I should stop it
We tried it for a day but I wasn't able to keep quiet seeing he was online
I really think I'm too caught up with him
This can't be good
But it can't all be my fault, right?
Then again, why the hell didn't he asked how old I was from the beggining
It would have been much easier because we would have stopped talking right there
But even with all this shit going on I still want to meet him when I go to Portugal
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need to think a lot about this
But I know that the best to do would be stop talking to him once and for all
But it's much easier to say what to do than to actually do it
And I know what's the right thing to do so there's not much to think about
But I'm a stupid girl and he he's a stupid boy
We actually seem perfect for each other in a way - I'm sorry this is dumb me talking
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